"Distraction" Technique

Had rectal massage of tendons that Dr. A calls a "distraction technique" (nice euphemism) again this morning, through another 4 mg of ativan. A week from Wednesday, I will try it will 3 mg. Cried again. Hurts horribly. But a tech who is always lovely to me when I have injections was curious about the procedure, and I said she could come see how it goes if she wanted, which she did, and she paid attention to what he was doing but also held my hand and stroked my hair while I cried and (cried out.) [Thank you, L.] No sharp pains since this morning, whereas last night one hit me that was so bad I was lying on the couch with an ice pack clutched to my genitals and had tears running down my face. I HATE it when that happens when my kid is around. She was upstairs, but say the aftermath of the tears. Damn it. That one lasted 10 minutes.

I hope I am without the awful pain spikes for two or more days this time. Funny, what one begins to look forward to.