Break Rant

I need one from this. In 2002, I had dual infections: diverticulitis and a kidney infection, and my doc admitted me to the hospital. I spent five days in the hospital - four of them on IV morphine with oral percocet every four hours. There was more than pain, of course, and they had misdiagnosed me at first (the first 2.5 days, they were convinced I had a kidney stone, and that prolonged my stay): such an infection can become life-threatening. But I was thinking about this today and realized I've gotten to a point where a five-day hospital stay with IV drugs and someone taking care of me so I have no responsibilities other than resting sounds lovely. I want to be taken care of! I want a break from the damn pain! It's been a year - everything hurts, all the time. Every bowel movement (screw TMI - this is a blog about vulvodynia and the suckiness it embodies...there is no room for the squeamish here!) for an entire year has been excruciating, because of the pressure on the vaginal wall - and then my general pain level is higher than normal for about an hour after. The pain spikes are horrid. What if they become the base level of pain? I couldn't function at all - I can't imagine that. I can't have sex. I can't do anything sexual without pain, even if neither of us touches me, because even arousal hurts. My husband is sad. I am sad. My four-year-old daughter knows what vulvodynia is, and that it means Mommy can't go on the bike rides she and Daddy go on, or go swimming (swim suit causes LOTS of pain), or do all sorts of other things she'd like to do. I can't go for more than a .5 mile walk. I can't ride a bike. I can't sit through an entire session with a client without wincing at least twice. I'm most [cough] comfortable with an ice pack on my crotch. I'm fucking tired. (Have I mentioned that?)

Current meds:
Lyrica (new)
amitriptylin (prepared as a 2% topical compound, because I don't tolerate oral tricyclics well)
Fentanyl patch, 25 mcg/hr - I'm physically dependent to the opiate now - yippee
Oxycodone (2 at bedtime, and seldom any during the day b/c I get just so bloody sleepy)
Prozac (upped to 40 mg/day - if you cry in your doc's office and ask her for a scrip to have a bus drive over you, she increases your antidepressant dose. Besides, chronic pain depletes serotonin.)

I think I will find an acupuncturist.