Transplant

Entire pudendal transplant, please? I want a physiological do-over. Perhaps a "Way Back" machine and the combination shrink-ray and submarine from Phineas and Ferb, so I can go into my own developing body in utero and make sure the pudendal nerve grows over the spino-sacral ligament instead of through it.

I

Fucking Hate This.

PT

Began physical therapy at Dr. Antolak's request. Two therapists at MAPS. Will involve more ligament distraction, pelvic floor massage, strain-counterstrain, and a couple of other things I can't recall right now.

Pain is awful. Stress related to it is sometimes worse. Sometimes I manage the pain well...other times it (and its relentless persistence - wait, is that redundant?) makes me so angry I am just a bitch. I have a therapist - I am a therapist - and I just can't make this be different. I often can do better than I am right now, but sometimes I just can't hold it together. I wish it didn't hurt my family. I wish I didn't hurt my family with it. I feel like shit.